Planning

Why need to plan?

Well, I live my beginning part of my life not knowing what is planning. Living like a lark, happy go lucky. Ha, no need to guess, I fell, I fell, again and again. Till I was so depressed after my JC. All that was due to not planning ahead. Don't know about setting goals. No goals, like a frog living in a well, could only see that much. Thus, don't know what goals to set.

In Primary school, I live day by day, learning what the teacher taught. Don't know how to read English. Thus, all I could do was through falling and picking myself up. Then, during Secondary school, I learn to read better. From books , I get to see things. But still it's the minimal, cause there was no far sighted goals discussed at home. Nothing I could look forward to. Because, I was so ignorant, I didn't know what to ask, what to go for. I just study to pass my exams. Rather pathetic. I passed, to get to a JC, though I had wanted to go Polytechnic. Again, because of ignorant, I thought it's too far from home, thus, i gave up the notion to apply for polytechnic.

After my JC, I am supposed to apply for NIE. Again, ignorant and worry for nothing, thinking, pa not working, no money, poor ma would have to work to help me out. Thus, I never even mail out my applications. I wanted to study psychology, but there isn't much major course during my time.

Sadden, Goaless, I went to work. But in my heart I wanted to study, I work and retook my A levels, but all effort wasted, results got from bad to worst.

Finally, I gave up trying to go to University, I deviated and studied Arts. I can't say it's good or bad for me. For after the course, I realised the ME, I, Myself, i am just average in arts, nothing spectacular. The money spent could have been used to further my studies, even taking an external course. But I was ignorant. No guidance. Don't know who to ask. So sad.

Right after I graduated, I work for another year. By then, I got to know my hubby during my third year while studying arts. I thought as long as I fall in love, all will be ok.

How wrong am I. Due to being ignorant, naive about not watching out the traits of a person's family members I got married.

What a joke, on the day of my wedding, I found out that my new sisters-in-law didn't really like me. They throw daggers at me when I joke about needing a pearl necklace for my cheong sam . it was a joke, and they took it for real. Then, I realised too that my father-in-law was a drunken who has a mistress and obnoxiously lecherous. He would stare at any pretty woman that walked passed him without blinking with a stupid grin on his face. These are the start of most troubles.

Troubles that has blown out of proportion that I don't want to deal with them anymore. I just want to delete those people away from my life. They are not important.

Without planning and goal, one do not know how to choose husband too. I realised that my husband simply do not love me enough. Rather it's due to his upbringing that he doesn't know how to show love in the family. Like his father, he bring home the money and expect the wife to deal with all problems of the family by herself. Decisions all hers, mistakes all hers. He comes home, after work is to enjoy his favorite game, laze around like everything is none of his business.
I married a man that doesn't plan for the family as well. I guess a fool follows a fool, I am one, he is one too. The blind leading the blind.

This man doesn't not plan for holidays for the family, doesn't know how to cook something for the family. He simply does not do anything out of the extra ordinary for the family. For as long as he could be doing without the family, I think it's what he likes.

So to all women out there, I found out after studying and analysing other people's husbands, those that are good to the wives are the one that knows how to cook. They are the one who cares enough to do something for themselves as well as for others. The service to do something. It's this little sacrifices that show one cares.

Thus, story of my life: now I learn, we need to plan, to set goals, to teach our children that as well.

Contentment may be good, but it brings stagnation to the life, mind, and body.